Take a moment and think about the things you desire in a relationship. Ask yourself am I receiving the love I give? Am I settling? Am I being mistreated or taken advantage of? As you respond to these questions…is your heart smiling? When I think about my marriage, the wisdom and knowledge gained of not repeating things that failed to live up to my heart smiling. I realize that I am responsible for making sure any relationship I endure equal the joy my heart feels when thinking about my college degree, becoming a published author, starting Yoga Girl Fitness, and most importantly how my heart feels when thinking about the birth of my four amazing kids. I know that the birth of children is a hard act to follow but theses are things we should seek when in relationship with the one who should consistently make the heart smile.
Now, I would be untruthful if I said that my wedding day didn’t make my heart smile because it did. It was a great accomplishment that included family and friends, as well as the best reception one could imagine but if I am honest there were things that lead up to the wedding and things that occurred throughout the relationship/marriage that caused my heart not to smile. Maturity and life experience assures me that there was no ill or malicious intent to hurt or harm; my journey simply tells me that you can convince your mind to believe certain things but you can’t fool your heart no matter how hard you try. What I know to be true is that communication and connectivity is the glue to any real relationship and if you desire true love, you can’t have one without the other. Simply because authenticity, honest communication, and genuine connectivity, consistently allows your heart to smile.
How do you know when your heart is smiling…you never feel lonely-together or apart, you aren’t wondering or questioning commitment, you aren’t listing reasons of why you should stay in the relationship because a smiling heart knows “The One” without a shadow of a doubt. There is a feeling that mere words can’t explain as the smile on your face is the mirrored reflection of the smile within your heart. It’s true that relationships will have challenges but challenges with the right person brings you closer not push you apart. Forcing a marriage/relationship doesn’t unite it only creates conflict and separation because love can’t be forced; real love with the right person flows freely. It’s a gift that you not only receive but enjoy giving. There’s no denying that there was a love relationship with my ex but two high school sweethearts grew into adults who didn’t communicate the things that were most important in authenticity and connectivity; and in my grown up opinion-if you can’t be your authentic self, you soon find yourself in a non-communicative relationship with the title of Mr. and Mrs. but you aren’t living the title or life with the one who consistently makes your heart smile.
Many of us have experienced relationships that fall in to habitual patterns of obligation and we sincerely want to do the right thing by making the relationship work, but if a person fears being honest…how can you really give your entire heart and soul to this person…you can’t and you won’t. Therefore, your heart will inconsistently and inauthentically smile. I tried to make my marriage work…I even remember telling my friend…”I will do whatever it takes for the kids but deep down…I know that I won’t be consistently happy.” As I reflect on that statement, I realize my desire to do what was right in my mind was an admirable thing but my heart knew things would remain the same regarding communication and connectivity; and that wasn’t fair to him or me. A sadden heart was not the definition of marriage that I desired. And I am sure that my ex didn’t want that for his heart as well. I would never want him to experience his life inauthentically by being someone or something he isn’t. My journey has taught me to accept and understand that my ex will always be apart of my family because we have 4 kids that bind us forever and my heart consistently smiles knowing that we are better co-parents than a couple.
Prayer, wisdom, and maturity has freed me and I am thankful to know that the key to a long lasting relationship is authenticity, connectivity and communication. True love is a rare commodity and if you are blessed to find it…hold on to it because a relationship/marriage is a beautiful union with the right person. If a relationship didn’t work out the way you envisioned and you believe God is omnipresent…understand that you didn’t fail, neither did your partner. Your path was designed specifically for you, for a reason that ultimately leads you to authentically living life with the one who consistently makes your heart smile.
Until The Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!