Divorce isn’t such a bad thing. What I know to be true is that my divorce transformed me in to a better, wiser, freer, and more peaceful person. What I also know is that divorce isn’t what we sometimes make it out be…being pissed off or blaming others for stealing your man or woman. I chuckle at the thought of a song that is currently played on the radio about “how you stole my man”…well for the record, no one can steal your man or woman! Whatever issues caused the relationship to end wasn’t because of another person, they may be a distraction but never give them that much credit. Underlying issues of poor communication, control, image or guilt based relationships are most likely why the relationship ended. Divorcing yourself from thoughts that cause you to blame instead of being truthful about your situation is the only way you can heal. This is why I say that…”divorce isn’t bad when you know what your divorcing.” My divorce taught me to be honest about my situation and to divorce myself from being overly concerned with the opinions or expectations of others. My ex and I have a long history, there were many good times but the relationship wasn’t truthful in many ways. When real talk is avoided regarding matters of the heart, communication breakdowns will arise. Our daily activity and busy lives of work, kids, business commitments allowed a habitual patterned lifestyle to become the priority even when we knew things weren’t right, we avoided raw, real honest communication trying to spare the other person’s feelings. However, not being completely honest is a set up for failure and unnecessary pain. Trying to please or appease others can cause you to begin making a list of why you can’t be honest about your truth…”I don’t want to hurt them, they have been loyal, the kids, what will the family think, what will the pastor/church say, what will my business partners and friends say?” We can talk ourselves out of anything but ask yourself this question…what’s better, having a partner who isn’t afraid to be real with you or having a partner who hides their truth from you because they are afraid to be real? Becoming real within had become my priority and learning to “divorce” myself from the fear of image and perception had to end. Divorce for me was completely trusting God. Divorce was divorcing myself from my spiritual struggle because I am the advisor to many people regarding relationships and if ours failed what does that mean? What my divorce taught me was the more honest I became about my truth, the better advisor I could be to others. My divorce also helped me “divorce” thoughts that God hates divorce more than He hated me being truthful about my situation. Just like God, I am a believer of long lasting unions but what I think God hates most of all is when we don’t live in truth. We can fool others but we can’t fool Him and I believe that He appreciates my ex and me for be truthful about our situation. We stop being representatives of the “image” and became representatives of our truth.
During my journey to find answers about moving forward in my divorce I spoke to every religious person I could find and it was a priest who told me that God doesn’t want to see His children unhappy or hurt; I knew that God was speaking directly through him to me. I sought counsel, prayed, fasted, asked for wisdom and I knew those words were for me. My divorce made me divorce myself from fear and thoughts that kept me captive in thinking that my kids were going to suffer traumatically because of divorce; well contrary to that belief, I have the most well rounded, well mannered, kindhearted, intelligent children on the planet. What I know to be true is that my kids are benefiting from this better version of myself and I owe this beautiful transformation of self awareness and peace to my divorce. My ex and I have come a long way, we respect and appreciate one another better now than we did when we were married. We accept one another for who we have become. I wish him all the happiness in the world and look forward to positive co-parenting and friendship. I also look forward to meeting my future husband because he will have the best version of me and I owe that to my divorce.
Whatever your Lifelovemarriagedivorce journey may be learn to “divorce” yourself from thoughts that hold you hostage and trust God. Don’t allow your parents 50 year marriage hold you hostage by causing you to think your life is supposed to look exactly like theirs because what worked for them may not work for you. Don’t allow relationships of friends who appear to have “it all” make you feel some kind of way because there are many marriages that have a roommate arrangement & although they may love one another, they aren’t in love and suffer from real communication and they are giving you alternative facts regarding their marriage/relationship. I became a blogger to encourage truthful awakenings for those seeking to reach their highest good. The most important thing you can do in having a successful and meaningful relationship within and with others is to become honest about your truth and you can’t do this by suppressing that truth, poor communication, or looking at other relationships thinking they have it all together when they don’t. Those who understand the importance of real, honest communication and have “divorced” themselves from fear, control, and opinions of others will most likely have the best love, life relationship! It’s true that relationships go through ups and downs but if your partner can’t communicate honestly about real matters of the heart then you aren’t getting the real version of your partner, you are only getting a representative. I don’t profess to know everything but I do know that I don’t want a representative of a partner. You may wonder how do I know if my partner is being honest with their truth? I will say this… you know because you feel it, you know because something is different, you know the signs but have become comfortable with your representative of a mate. This may work for you but I can assure you that you are only existing, not living or thriving in what your heart truly desires! I realize that my divorce was not for all the reasons I once thought it to be and I am thankfully blessed for my awakening. I woke up and divorced myself from fear, shame, sadness, blame, control, image, and a representative. I understand that God purposed me to share messages of inspiration, hope, awareness, love, encouragement, perseverance and for that, I say thank you, Lord! God is all knowing, He knew exactly what my Lifelovemarriagedivorce journey was going be, who I was to become because of it, my future, my future spouse and this is why I know that divorce isn’t such a bad thing!
Until The Next Blog,
Blessing & Love