I love this quote “being someone’s 1st love is great but to be their last is priceless! How true of a statement is this one! I met my ex-husband when I was 15 years old, so it was natural for him to be my 1st love. After college and a long courtship the next logical step was marriage but as I reflect, what did we know at 15 or even getting married at a young 23 years old? I can honestly say that I really didn’t know who I was as a young woman until my 30’s. My experiences were few as he was all I knew and I sometimes wonder if our “next logical step” should have been to hit the pause button in order for us to mature. However, don’t get me wrong we could we have made our marriage work but work requires 2 people.
Marriage/relationships are a beautiful and wonderful thing but as a wise 46-year-old woman and the many people who speak to me daily about their own personal relationships, I honestly believe that we have God given assignments and some assignments have an expiration date; my expiration date was after 22 years of marriage. I now realize it wasn’t about how the relationship ended, it was about what the assignment produced and the assignment produced my 4 amazing kids! I also know that the truest desires of my heart could not have been achieved with my ex and his truest desires obviously could not have been met with me. I am now legally divorced for 1 year and I know for a fact that I am in a much better place, mentally and emotionally. I believe in marriage & I don’t like divorce but I do believe that divorce is sometimes necessary. When I think of the desires of my true heart, it wasn’t going to happen with my ex; God has someone else in mind for that assignment.
I say this because of experience and the many conversations I have with others about relationships, marriage, divorce, finding love and remarrying again. At all cost you should try to save your marriage/relationship but you should also be honest with yourself and your mate. If you are holding on to an “image or perception” that must be displayed to others, that’s not a marriage. If you are holding on to your partner because of the fear of being alone and you live separate lives; this is not a marriage. If your heart thinks of another and you are just “there” fulfilling obligations or space, this is not a marriage. If you tell yourself that, “I am staying for the kids,” don’t fool yourself because this is not a marriage either; when the kids leave then what? One of my primary reasons that I stayed in my marriage was for “the kids” and the fact that I didn’t grow up with my father in the house but when I sat down with my kids, they said mom…we are good, we want you to be happy. If anyone knows my kids…they are not just good they are exceptional!
What I have learned about relationships is that sometimes it’s hard for women & men to be honest with their thoughts and feelings. Most people don’t get into a relationship to hurt the other person; I don’t think my ex intentionally wanted to hurt me. What hurt was the lack of communication which lead to poor decision making and this lead to the demise of the relationship. I learned to become honest with myself and I can admit that I wanted my ex to do things differently, but he needed to do what served his heart. And I didn’t want him to feel like some men feel, just staying because he felt like he needed to fulfill his “obligations”; I want someone to be all in. Someone who desires and wants to be present because at the end of the day, we all deserve to be happy. When we learn to truthfully accept our situation, we can help one another heal and find resolve. If we aren’t truthful, we suppress our true self and that’s when problems occur. If your true self is to lie, you will lie. If you like being single, you will be single even if you are in a relationship. If you realized that the “one/your soul mate” got away-your heart will never be at rest; you will live a fulfilled but robotic life as your true heart longs for your true love. In my opinion we are happier and at our absolute best when we are living from our true heart!
My truth, I married my high school sweetheart; he was my 1st love. I have no regrets regarding my assignment with him; we did wonderful things as a couple. However, I believe that all things happen for a reason and although my ex was my 1st love; he is definitely not my last! My last love will be the one my heart truly desires, he will be my soulmate, and he is the one God is holding for me. I can speak of this because I no longer fall into the trap of the “imaged” life or “doing it” for the kids. I fall into truthful communication, knowing exactly what I want & deserve! I know without doubt that God has a plan for my life and if you can relate, the good news is “that being someone’s 1st love is great but to be their last is priceless!”
Until The Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!