On my October, LifeLoveMarriageDivorce Podcast my guest and I mentioned The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommended it. Dr. Chapman writes about 5 love languages that identify how we prefer to be loved. After my podcast, I decided to revisit my book that is marked with highlights on almost every page. It was helpful in identifying the love language that speaks directly to my heart. It also helped me realize why my ex and I had connectivity issues in how love was given and received which created an unbalanced love relationship. Most of us can agree that we enter relationships trying to love someone based on how we desire to be loved instead of learning and listening to what their love language consists of. Now don’t get me wrong some of us enter relationships seeking instant gratification be it superficial, physical or material reasons without the desire of being in a committed long term loving relationship, but for those of us who aren’t trying to intentionally love our partners incorrectly, we will find identifying our partners, as well as our own love language is a must for a successful and healthy relationship.
Dr. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages express the importance of identifying the love language that speaks best to the heart. These 5 love languages consist of Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Most of us possess all of these desired love languages but there is an order of importance that is most preferred and dominates the other languages. If you have a partner who needs to hear words of affirmation but you like buying them gifts, you will soon find that a disconnect will appear. My dominant love language is quality time and physical touch. The results of my quiz were equal in this area which is 100 percent accurate about me. The other 3 love languages are important as well because who doesn’t enjoy positive affirmations, receiving gifts, and acts of service. Apart of being in love is the ability to be attentive and thoughtful regarding the love language your partner prefers and what touches their heart & soul. However, for me there is nothing better than physical touch and spending quality time with the person I fall in love with. If you wonder what your love language may be, Dr. Chapman has a love language quiz in his book but you already know what speaks to your heart. Identify it and refuse to suppress your love language preference for anyone. How do you express love to others? How would you like love to be expressed to you? What do you dislike in a relationship? What do you desire in a relationship? Take a moment to answer those love language questions and if you are lacking, settling, giving or receiving love unequally in an unbalanced way, you just might be with the wrong partner.
Connectivity and communication is a must in order for a relationship to thrive; and if you have a partner who doesn’t communicate effectively, connectivity will be at an all time low. I created a list of 5 connectivity must haves when seeking a real love relationship; they are spiritual, intellectual, mental, emotional, and physical connectivity. After doing my “work” of healing from my divorce, as well as being a life coach, I teach the importance of being in alignment with the right partner. Just as you should implement the 5 love languages, you will find success when you are emotionally connected to your partner. If you are thoughtful and little things matter, you will thrive with someone who shares the same values of thoughtfulness on an emotional level. If you are the one who has the most emotional sensitivity and your partner is insensitive, there will be conflict. For instant if you see a person in need and your initial reaction is to help but your partner could care less it creates a problem on an emotional level.
If you are spiritual and believe in God but your partner is a skeptic and sarcastically insults your faith, you will realize that you are unequally yoked in this area. Which will only lead to other areas of being unequally yoked in your relationship. If your partner is a believer but doesn’t live according to the belief they profess and you do, a spiritual disconnect will occur. Physical connectivity is extremely important but it can’t sustain a relationship. Sex can be great with your partner but if the person has a bad attitude, always negative, disrespectful and selfish you will not be physically attracted to them for long. Mental and Intellectual connectivity is extremely important if you desire conversations that are thought provoking and deep.
The ability to define what is important to you and finding a person who aligns physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually in these areas of connectivity, communication, along with the love language that speaks to your heart will create an authentic and balanced relationship that’s meant to last. If you haven’t found that person yet, don’t give up. Learn from previous relationships of what did and didn’t work because you can now make better choices of who deserves to be in your life and vice versa. Do not waste precious time or energy in relationships that are unproductive and draining; the goal is to be with someone who makes your heart happy and connects on all levels, so don’t settle. You are deserving of the best kind of love and the hopeless romantic in me absolutely believes we will find our forever one!
Until the Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!