What powerful quotes! If I can be honest, I believe that I knew the difference between what I was getting and what I deserved in my prior relationship. What I now know to be true is that I allowed my mind to optimistically talk myself out of what I deserved and accepted what was given. Being a young bride who had no idea of who she was at 23 years of age could have played a part of this acceptance but intuitively there were things I knew that didn’t align with my spirit. By suppressing my intuition and truth, I now realize that I became a contributor to my own pain. I believe that each of us contribute to our own pain when we ignore our intuition or deny the truth of our current situation. Of course growth, wisdom, and maturity takes time but when you find yourself praying for the same prayer and you get a revelation from God but don’t like or understand His reply, we sometimes chose to ignore or suppress the intuitive spirit which speaks directly to our heart. I was a master of talking myself out of my intuition…I did this by listing and counting my blessings, which is a good thing but I did it because I didn’t want to be perceived as ungrateful or “complaining” at times. I have no problem communicating my thoughts but the desire of wanting to be heard and finding resolve wasn’t always accomplished. I knew that issues in my marriage existed but because I would look around at my blessings and then suppress those intuitive truths and much needed conversations by doing what I disliked most, accepting the non-communicative approach that worked for my partner but not for me. One of my greatest strengths is to communicate and find resolve, but I didn’t follow through on what I deserved and therefore contributed to my own pain. It is important to never assume that you are on the same page with your significant other, what is important is clear communication when defining your wants, desires, and needs! In my opinion this is where many of us go wrong in our relationships, be it personal or professional. If I know that I deserve honesty, loyalty, respect, & blissful love then why should I remind myself that I am blessed, he is good to me, and he works hard etc… because I am good and work hard too. That’s not a reason to accept what’s given instead of what’s deserved. However, this response has become a common approach of how we chose to deal with matters of the heart. I am sure that some of you are nodding your head in agreement as you may have felt the same way in prior and in some cases current relationships.
Communication gaps may also occur when your partner decides to disclose their truth but decides not to due to the fear of being “attacked” for their honesty. This happens when one party in the relationship only thinks about how they feel instead of giving their partner credit for doing the very thing that was asked of them, such as… “You can tell me anything” or “just be honest” and soon as they do…you can’t take it. Apart of getting what you deserve is making sure that you are on the same communicative frequency level, so that you may find resolve or avoid over staying your welcome in a relationship that’s not going any where. If your relationship consists of pain, tears, and constant confusion instead of love, peace happiness, and the desires of your heart but you continue to talk yourself out of your intuitive truth then by all means remain where you are but if you absolutely believe that you deserve more than you are getting become honest and communicative with yourself, as well as the one you are in relationship. Why?… because your silence will ultimately turn into resentment. You will think it’s all about your partner but you will soon realize that you played apart of your own pain and allowed someone to treat you less than you deserve. The quicker you face your reality, the less pain you create for yourself and others. I recently had a conversation with a male friend who told me that if he knew now, what he knew then when he said “I Do” he wouldn’t have done it. As he accessed his truth, he realized that his reasons for getting married were not reasons sustainable enough for marriage. But the cake was ordered, plans were made, and the cold feet he thought he was feeling was actually him suppressing his intuition. And not being honest with self allowed him to accept what was given verses what he deserved, as well as the truth his partner deserved. Another male friend told me that he was in the “savior mode” and didn’t want to disappoint his significant other by sharing his truth that he really wasn’t ready for marriage. If he had the chance to do it all over again, he wouldn’t.
These were very profound conversations which resulted in an unfilled and unhappy marriage; and the other in divorce. I hope that this is not taken out of context because I believe the male friend who finally became honest about his truth and divorced is in a far better place than the one who continues to accept what’s given instead of what’s deserved. There is more that I can discuss regarding the statement but I truly believe if you can’t be or give 100% of your heart then no one gets what they deserve because the truth is constantly being suppressed and denied. I am sure some of you just entered or remain in relationships that show red flags with the belief that things will change when you say “I do”. Your intuition told you all you needed to know from the start but the invitations were mailed and you continued to talk yourself out of what you deserved and accepted what you were getting. This month’s blog may be a tad deep for some but if we continue to ignore our intuitive heart because we are too afraid to be honest with ourselves, we will ultimately experience pain & resentment. In addition we don’t heal but instead find ourselves repeating the same dysfunctional relationship cycle. I created lifelovemarriagedivorce with the hope of helping others become aware and real about the truths within. It is my prayer that those who desire marriage become honest with self and stay true to what you deserve so that your end result isn’t an unfulfilled marriage or divorce. The hopeless romantic in me believes that relational bliss exists with the right person! Peace, love, happiness, and your heart desires is not just a fantasy; so make sure that you know the difference between what you are getting and what you deserve!
Until The Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!