I have heard people say that marriage is hard work. I don’t necessarily think marriage is hard, I think that people can be hardheaded, even hardhearted and that can make any given task (marriage, work, etc) hard. Marriage/relationships like anything else requires good communication and applied effort; the more effort you apply to the job at hand, the greater results of success. We have heard the saying… more prayer-more power, little prayer-little power, no prayer-no power. In regards to marriage… more effort-better results, little effort-little results, no effort-no results.
If a marriage succumbs to an affair, it most likely has to do with little to no effort being applied to the spouse but more effort is directed towards the “other woman/man”. Now, I of all people know that things happen for various reasons, for we all fall short of God’s glory but it’s not so much about the fall, it’s more about how to get up from the fall. If you want something badly enough your effort will speak for itself. However, I feel it’s necessary to make this point to the “other woman/man”- you are not an innocent bystander in the fall of a failed marriage. Please do not think for one minute that you aren’t an accessory to the crime. Your self motivated agenda and involvement affects the marital union, the kids, and generations to come. You are an accomplice to the death of a marriage and at some point when the spouse finds out about the affair and reaches out to you and you choose to cower instead of communicate, you most likely prefer being an accomplice instead of being accountable.
Another issue regarding little to no effort in marriage is that many people marry because ‘it’s the next step”. The pressure of family and friends asking the question “when are you getting married “ can cause one to marry for acceptance instead of love. You know that this category describes you the moment the minister says, “until death do you part” and you wish that you could opt out but you go along with the ceremony. Living up to the expectations of others causes you to loose your authentic self and when you aren’t authentic problems occur. Don’t take someone down “the next step” road because you are trying to appease; it is not worth the pain of their heart. If you falsely advertised yourself by showing effort to your mate in order to please others-don’t hold your spouse hostage and interfere with the love they seek and deserve. Don’t make them live your lie. If we implement real, honest conversation- it may hurt in the beginning but it will be respected in the long run and where there is respect there can possibly be friendship.
Marriage is a beautiful and sacred union; it requires honesty of ones authentic self; it also requires truthful communication of what you personally desire, want, and expect in a marriage. I was excited about getting married but along the journey it became apparent that effort was no longer being applied. I had to be honest with myself and release the memory of what was and what I hoped my marriage could be and simply accept the reality of the fall. I have no regrets in hoping for the best because it was the right thing to do; I just needed to be authentic in my truth. Once I learned to be authentic, I became free. I encourage you to be authentic-so if you enjoy the single life don’t put a ring on it and mess up the lives of others. If you are the self-seeking other woman/man, who has yet to address your own issues-leave the married folks alone, if you are feeling pressured by society and family, man up and be honest. It’s not your responsibility to live your life for others by hurting someone who is ready for the “until death do us part” commitment. Life happens but relationships don’t have to be “hard”. If we choose to be honest instead of hardheaded or hardhearted, we can limit our role in someone’s pain. Life has many surprises along the journey and there are various reasons of why things happen and yes, it’s true that we don’t know what we don’t know until we experience the journey, but when we do know-it’s our responsibility to be accountable for our stuff. And when we become accountable for our stuff, we stop being an accomplice to someone’s pain and become apparent and authentic in their healing as well as our own during this life-love-marriage-divorce journey!
Until The Next Blog,
Blessings & Love
“To my devoted followers who I called “ The Lifers”- because we live, we survive, and learn to thrive through our life-love-marriage-divorce journey. I sincerely thank you for your support and kind words. To those I have spoken to and have met personally know that I write for you. I share your story as well as my own for I know all to well the things that you hold deep within your heart. You are not alone; you aren’t crazy for holding on and wanting the outcome of your reality to be different. You are strong and courageous! You have a spirit and heart for love and to be loved. Never change who you are but do know this- your reality is your freedom. You will understand and come to appreciate this as your journey continues. Your reality reveals your true and authentic self and when you find this self, you realize that all you endured- the hurt, pain, & sadness will soon turn into happiness, peace, and joy. My dear Lifers do know that the journey is worth it because soon you will be free from lying, crying, and denying the life you are meant to live. I am forever thankful for the journey because it set my authentic self free and allows me to serve you! Remain faithful because the latter will be better than the former”.