When you are no longer a couple people, the common question is what happened? Followed by oh no…Y’all made a good-looking couple; we love your family, how sad, etc. I wondered how I should respond, should it be the response of my ex…”we just grew apart” or should it be my truth. I now believe and accept his answer as his truth; he did grow apart only to grow to someone else in process. I recall my ex telling me that I wasn’t happy; I would adamantly disagree and say, I am happy! However, I was functioning as a happy person. Of course, I was happy to be alive, happy to have wonderful kids, happy to have a home but I wanted to be happy in my marriage, My truth is that my marriage had become an image as if “all is well” & all wasn’t well and that made me unhappy.
I know that most relationships experience the roller coaster ride of ups and downs; however it’s all about how you remain on or get off the roller coaster. If you decide to exit the ride make sure to communicate your intentions clearly. Don’t let the other person stand in the long Disney World spring break line; give them the fast pass so that their life isn’t prolonged with optimistic, unrealistic expectations of getting to the front of the line and the ride says no longer operating. I admit that I had a hard time accepting that the ride had come to a halt but what I realize is that getting off the ride doesn’t mean failure; it means accepting that this particular ride no longer serves its purpose.
“Love is a joint experience between two persons — but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.” –(Carson McCullers)
This statement is so profound, as it became my truth. Of course, I wanted him to remain on the ride but that would have been unfair to him and me. He needed to find his happiness and I didn’t need to be “happy” under false pretenses because having a physical presence without a soul connection is not happiness; it’s misery. What, I know to be true is that it isn’t anyone’s job to make you happy- that’s an inside job. I am the key to my happiness and being happy is taking ownership and identifying the things that kept me in denial. I accept that I married my 1st love but my true & everlasting love will come in due time. I did think that my ex and I would be together until death due us part but God has another plan for my life. I know that this sounds odd because no one expects to get married only to get divorced but my truth is that my thoughts aren’t God’s thought and I know that He knows all things. I was hopeful in my marriage but being hopeful and realistic are two different things and it’s important to know the difference.
My divorce no longer makes me sad, I am peacefully happy. I am happy because I am more dependent on God than man, I am happy because I am stronger, I am happy to know that there are god-given assignments with designated expiration dates and I accept that my time with my ex was one of those expiration dated assignments. I am happy because I became honest with reality…if someone wants you- you won’t have to plead, beg, or convince him or her to stay. An interested person will move mountains to keep you and even if you are no longer a participant in their happiness, they will do whatever it takes to be communicative so that you aren’t optimistically hoping to get on a ride that no longer exists. I am happy because I truly understand the importance of self-communication and honesty because if you aren’t honest with yourself, you won’t be honest with others. Yes, I am happy and blessed for what was but extremely excited for what is to be. I embrace my new ride of being happily divorced.
Blessings & Love,
Until the Next Blog!