“YOU WANT TO BE HIS ESCAPE NOT HIS DUTY”-Kimberly Jones Pothier
When I heard this quote I was like…Wow! What a profound statement & truthful reality. I recall a conversation a dear friend shared with me about a man who was unhappily married for 60 years because of his “duty” verses being with his true love, his escape. Although, he has love for his wife and is pleased with his children from their union, he still feels emptiness because he failed to communicate his truth. I find this story sad for both parties because the lack of communication caused him to live a life that isn’t truly authentic and his wife has no idea how his heart longs for another person. I also recall a conversation my mother shared about marrying her ex husband; she wasn’t ready to get married but the pressure from her ex caused her to go through with something that would eventually end in heartache, pain, and divorce. Thankfully, God heard her prayers and she is now happily married to her true love and escape.
LLMD Question…do you want a partner who may love you but their loyalty of love is because of a duty or do you want partner who is in love with you and feels that you are not only a preferred duty but an ultimate escape! I for one want to be the ultimate escape and preferred duty! LLMD question #2..Are many of us dropping the ball because we are withholding honest communication due to the fear or being judged about our true feelings? Is this fear holding the unknowing partner back from the life they were destined to live? Because what I understand to be true is that if you are chasing or want someone who isn’t chasing or feels the same way about you…you may be a duty. If you verbally say or quietly think “if I would have done this or should have done that” in relation to being with your mate especially when disagreements arise …you may not be with an escape, you may very well be a duty or obliging a duty.
I know that we marry or meet our partners with the expectation of an obligatory commitment/duty and just as we have an obligation to God in truth, isn’t it important to be truthful with yourself so that you don’t complicate the lives of others? I wonder if my ex told me his truth, where would we be today? Would be better friends or had a more amicable divorce? I have male friends who shared their truth of marrying their spouse because they felt obligated because “she was with me when I had nothing”- that may be a noble reason but it is not a reason to get married when you are not ready because you are only performing a duty.
We must reach a place in our relationships where we aren’t fearful of having honest communication. I have many friends who say that they wish their mate would have told them the truth about not wanting the relationship but when their partner attempts the truth- the tears fall or the arguments begin and the partner retreats back to the safe place of nonverbal-communication and inactive relational participation. So, to those of us who say we want the truth…the truth is raw and sometimes not what we truly want to hear but it’s always necessary! It’s necessary for all involved because temporary discomfort of the truth is a lot better than a lifetime of lies and pain. My LifeLoveMarriageDivorce journey caused me to reflect and I am sure that I couldn’t see the truth because of the hurt and pain. But when I realized the truth, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and this truth had nothing to do with my ex. Truth has nothing to do with the blame towards others, that is called pain; real truth has everything to do with acceptance. So when you seek truth make sure you remember these words, truth=acceptance, not blame. What I understand to be true is that your honesty can avoid anxious decisions that result in a lifetime of hurt and pain. Your honesty about what you want and more importantly who you are is the best gift you can give to others and more importantly to yourself.
We all deserve happiness and love; your true love is a bond that you will have with no other, lust isn’t & will never be the glue that keeps you together-your intertwined souls are the glue that prioritize & bind the relationship, true love soul-mates are naturally and mutually in sync, they protect, they share a reciprocated love, they don’t think of anyone but their true love because you are it, they have no exit plan because they are all in- as you are their beginning and their ending love story, you have a connection that is undeniable & unexplainable, you just know that this person is your true love and without a doubt you are their escape and they are yours! Until the next Blog!
Blessings and Love,
Monique