Most of us have experienced a bad breakup due to betrayal or a partner telling us they have fallen out of love with us or maybe we were the one who fell out of love with them. Falling out of love doesn’t necessarily mean that you no longer care or love that person, it may mean that you’ve come to the realization that love has transitioned to a new meaning or you no longer choose to accept poor displays of love that were never in sync with your definition of love. The realization of finally coming to terms and accepting the truth your intuition alarmed you about for months or years that the relationship is nonexistent is devastating to the heart. It’s actually life changing as you now face the reality of what was, is no longer. Living by someone else’s standards or definition of love while denying your own…never works out; especially if you are seeking a partner to compliment your life, not bring conflict to it. When you hear the words…”I don’t want to be in this relationship any longer.”…take a moment before you start throwing clothes out of the window, begin name calling or telling everyone about all of things you didn’t like about this person anyways. Remember…you chose and welcomed this person in to your life. What you say, how you say it and how you respond will follow you forever, especially if children are involved. Many things are forgivable but actions and reactions are rememberable. If you care how your kids view you and how you choose to represent yourself, take a moment before you react. There is no denying that you will experience an emotional roller coaster of disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness, fear and frustration. You will want to know why, as you think about time invested and sacrifice given to making the relationship work, but in the end you can’t force anyone to stay with you; and you shouldn’t want to.
I have the fortunate pleasure of coaching, interviewing, and speaking to many people, some have great relationships and some do not. Some relationships ended in separation or divorce. Divorce is never the intended option for anyone. I didn’t intend for my marriage to end in divorce but what I now know today is that divorce is sometimes necessary when you are in a relationship that is filled with discord, conflict, and a lack of peace. When you’ve done all that you can to remain or make it work, but no resolve is in sight there is no longer a need to overstay your welcome, where love doesn’t consistently exist. No one enters a relationship to be unhappy and if the one you fell in love with chooses to take their love elsewhere, let them. Some may say…”that’s giving up, you have to fight, just stick it out, all couples go through something, you must make it work because marital vows are sacred until death due you part.” I wholeheartedly agree and most people share those same beliefs. However, in order for those beliefs to take precedence, you must be with the right partner who is willing to fight the good fight with you. There must be an alignment with someone who shares the same definition and commitment of love with you. You may not like your partner’s truth of no longer wanting to be with you but it’s their truth, therefore respect it. Many of us enter relationships with all of the given information regarding our partners. The things we do not like, the disrespectful actions, rude comments made to you and others on more than one occasion. We may tell ourselves, it will get better or maybe I am being too sensitive by denying, suppressing or wishing behaviors go away; but hoping someone will change their authentic self never turns out well in the long run because people can only be happy when they are being true to themselves.
Regardless of what some may believe, love doesn’t hurt but you must be with the right partner to know and experience it. Love with the right partner is supposed to feel good and safe. You have peace of mind and happiness is a priority. If love is disrespectful, creates self doubt, causes sadness, provokes anger and fear…ask yourself, how is that love? If love means you must allow someone to mistreat you…note to self, that’s not real love! Being equally yoked and equally aligned actually matters. Your forever partner has no desire to exit the relationship because when someone wants you, they’ll do whatever it takes to not only get you but to keep you. Life is too precious to waste time with the wrong partner. Somethings are meant to be and some are not; and if your partner decides to take their love elsewhere…don’t become revengeful, bitter, angry or depressed because this person is actually freeing you from drama, pain, and frustration. You are worthy of the love you give and desire, just make sure it’s reciprocated with the right partner.
Until The Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!