When I think about 2010-2019, I think about the challenges, the obstacles, the heartache, the lessons, and the blessings. In 2009, I separated from my husband. I wondered how was I going to make it, trying to take care of my 4 kids and myself. My finances were challenged, my heart was broken but I never stopped believing that God would somehow make away. There were many nights that I cried and prayed alone in the dark because when the sun came up, I had to put the S on my chest for my kids. There were attempts to reconcile the marital relationship but I realized that those attempts weren’t as sincere as I had hoped; as both parties must be present in order to make a relationship work. Not only was my marriage ending, my mother-in-law was battling cancer. I met her when I was 16 years old and she meant the world to me because she was my mentor, my friend, my children’s grandmother and my mom; her passing in 2014 was a great loss to us all. My ex and I had a semi-amicable divorce, we didn’t agree on everything but found a way to get through it. There was definitely a transition stage as our romantic relationship was coming to an end. However, I knew that we had to find a way to be family, simply because my kids come 1st. Of course, there are things I could remain angry about or hold resentment towards my ex in my heart but I am not built that way. I forgive because I don’t believe in giving my power and peace that God gave me to anyone who didn’t give it to me; so I had to get it together. Therefore, I did!
I healed my heart by remembering the history my ex & I shared. I remembered that as a Christian, it was important that I represented Christ, no matter what! I focused on the positives my divorce gifted me and those gifts were 4 beautiful children, a path to true peace, great joy, love of self, and accomplished goals. I am thankful for everything the hills and the valleys because now I see that everything I endured only made me stronger, wiser and simply preparing me for the best years of my life. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in love, marriage and family but when a relationship doesn’t have 2 authentic parties whose visions, plans, purpose and connectivity fail to exist in perfect alignment, the relationship will most likely not survive. Some people may think you should stay in a broken situation for the kids but I believe that once you have done all you can, for as long as you can and things aren’t improving, and there is more harm than hope, or more pain is occurring than joy…then having a person physically present who is not emotionally, spiritually or mentally present is no different than having a plant in the home; it’s alive but it’s just there.
I realized that what appeared to be the worst thing during the 2010’s turned out to be the best thing that occurred in my life…as the image I portrayed finally ended. My authentic self emerged and thrived. And I accepted my ex as his authentic self, as well. My new found freedom allowed my creative self to emerge and I created Lifelovemarriagedivorce blog, I became a published author, I started my LifeLoveMarriageDivorce podcast, I am a yoga teacher, I am a life coach and blessed to help others transition through difficult situations like divorce. I finally went to Paris in 2019, and passed my Texas Real Estate Exam; so good things are happening in my life. In addition, watching my kids soar has been a great blessing. My son is in law school, my oldest daughter is in graduate school working on her masters in clinical psychology, my middle daughter was awarded a full scholarship and plays D1 volleyball and my youngest child is an awesome 8th grader and fierce soccer player which means that even during our difficult times they persevered and watching them not miss a beat has been a wonderful gift. 2010’s presented some difficult years but I am thankful for the growth, awakening and lessons learned. I am convinced that 2020 will be an amazing year. I’m turning 50 this year and I now believe that I am ready to open my heart to love again. If you are in a season of challenge, don’t give up, remain faithful, and always, always know that with God all things are possible. And just maybe, 2020 will be your best year yet!
Until the Next Blog,
Blessings & Love!